yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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