If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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