I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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