there was a trapeze. enough said
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
