finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
