another moral hangover. fuck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
a search helicopter?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
