she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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