Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
