dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
