apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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