This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
