just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
