how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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