i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
