I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
