he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
