I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
