so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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