Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I want is dick and wine.
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