That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
