Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
