I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
