What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
