God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
