none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
