Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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