He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
