he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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