Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
