why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
