This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
