I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
