Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
