I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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