Your dad touched me again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
