And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
