Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
