it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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