He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
