Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
