I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
