this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
