I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
