btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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