There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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