I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
