Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
