is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
