My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
