So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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