i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
