What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
3 2 1 whiskey
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
