i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
