Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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