My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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